Don’t worry my goalie brethren, I am here. Your knight in shining Bauer 2s’s has arrived.

 

By now you’ve probably read that Dangle Diva’s article about our people. I am here to defend our culture.

I know the first thing you’re going do after embracing me as the official Goalie’s HERO Champion is click my picture and search through all my blog posts. Goalies are generally the smartest people on the face of the planet… I mean you have to be to play this position. You basically have to know what all 10 skaters on the ice and the coaches are going to do before they do it. This incredible gift is why we are what hockey teams are built around. Because you’re smart you’ll probably point out an article I wrote like this this. Don’t worry… That was just a joke. I’m smart like you. I had to pretend I was on the dumb skaters side.

Now to answer Dangle Diva’s post claiming he’s had enough of goalies.

1st –  “Oh, you have to be weird to take shots to the face all day.” You know who else takes shots to the face all day? Porn stars, and relatively speaking, they seem pretty ok, so what’s your fucking deal?”

So much to take from this little nugget but let’s get to the nitty gritty. Porn stars get paid to take shots to the face. Us goalies would probably be perfectly normal if you paid us to take your exceptionally soft loads to the face all day. But you don’t. You want us to pay to bail your asses out 100 times a game when you forget the two most basic rules of hockey. Rules that they literally preach to 3 year olds getting into the game. Since it’s obvious you forgot them they are: don’t pass the puck through the middle of the ice in the defensive zone and all 5 guys can’t chase the puck below the goal line in the offensive zone. Get with the fucking program.

Speaking of making us pay, that brings me to:

2nd – “And guess what – the shooter tutor pays exactly the same amount for the season as you do, and will still probably have a higher save%.”

Fucks like Justin needs goalies like us who make the occasional mistake leading to him scoring his 3 goals a year. You know god damned well he can’t pick the corners of a shooter tutor. He posted an article that basically summed up his ability. What the actual fuck? You can tell that the tendy in that video feels bad about Justin’s lack of skill and decided to basically give him 90% of the net to shoot at… The plug still missed. No wonder the Dangle Diva is mad at goalies. He’s mad because he can’t even pot welfare goals.

This is just more proof that players need us goalies. NEED! N-E-E-D! Do us goalies need skaters? Hell no….  Guess what happens if no skaters show up. Us goalies would get dressed and then sit in the locker room for 75 minutes admiring the shit out of our gear because it’s fucking awesome. So fuck you skaters.

Let me leave you with this my goalie gang… Did you get a new set for Christmas? Yeah you did, because you’re fucking awesome. Well it’s halfway through January here… It’s time to order another set. WE AIN’T EVER PAYING LEAGUE FEES FAM!

Hey Justin, next time we see ya Natty lights on us… Well on you really, because you paid our league fees for us to be here.

Comments