Maine is the state in red. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)

Maine is the state you know quite well. Lobster? Maine. Potatoes? Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. This soft drink that tastes like the water down contents of a homeless vagrants colon, mixed with a diaper full of burnt human hair? Maine

 

 

For, for all intents and purpose, Maine is a wasteland. Not a teenage wasteland mind you (shoutout Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland), given that the state is old as fuck, but a wasteland of trees, Stephen King, and the largest collection of Confederate Flags & thinly veiled racism despite being the northernmost state in the union during the Civil War and giving the nation Jeff Daniels in the film that was too long for you to watch, Gettysburg.

 

IT WOULD APPEAR, however, that Maine has the worst drivers in the nation.

 

PORTLAND, Maine (WMTW) Insurance website QuoteWizard ranked Maine drivers as the worst in the country last year.

The website cited a rise in traffic citations and deadly crashes for the bottom ranking.

The report cited Maine Department of Transportation data, which showed an increase of more than 1,500 car crashes from 2016 to 2017.

While Mainers love to complain that drivers from Massachusetts are the worst, QuoteWizard ranked Massachusetts 22nd in the country.

The website ranked drivers in Michigan as the best in the country.

Full study details: https://quotewizard.com/news/posts/best-and-worst-drivers-by-state-2019

 

This is easy to explain. The most common thing heard from a Maine driver outside of the confines of the Pine Tree State is “SORRY IM NOT FROM HERE” as they aggressively switch lanes in rush hour traffic. See Mainers aren’t like big city folk. The biggest city in Maine, Portland, has around 1,000 people. Can you imagine? 1,000 people all living together in the same area? Just doing life all at the same time. Imagine.

But Maine is more than a sum of its parts (that’s a math term for all you losers who got a Public Administration degree). Maine is also old as shit. HOW OLD IS IT? It’s so old that when you enter it (sex), it gives you a hard candy and asks why you haven’t called in so long.

As you leave the state, you’ll see a sign that says “Worth a visit, worth a lifetime”. Sure, if you want a life full of antique stores (if you like antiques, you’re an asshole) and spotty at best internet. Anyone have Spectrum Internet? Imagine spectrum being your only choice for internet in 90% of the state. It’s like everyone’s favorite childhood game “Monopoly” except you don’t own any property and fuck you.
Does Maine have redeeming qualities? You bet your ass it does. For three months out of the year, you get to see the sun and complain about it being too hot before unpacking your -30 L.L. Bean sleeping bag/parka/Ton-Ton combination device and convincing yourself you enjoy doing winter activities (if you lie to everyone and say you enjoy ice fishing, you’re an asshole).
Another thing, people love to complain about the tourists, despite the fact Maine is known as VACATIONLAND. Our brand is literally “Come here, spend money, and get the fuck out”. No better hospitality than a bunch of old white people taking your money then shoving you out (Government/Corporate America am I right?)

IN SUMMATION: Maine is a beautiful state. With a lovely national park, plenty of outdoor activities like rafting, hiking and hunting/fishing. We also have the top craft beer city in the world, if you’re an asshole.

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