think you can do better?

When you play in the same league for long enough, you start to develop rivalries and bad blood with certain players or teams. It’s a natural reaction to the competitive familiarity experienced over a long enough period of time.

For me – #44 on the [REDACTED] is my guy. First off, he’s an A league player playing in a B league. Weak move, but whatever. Second, he’s like 6’3 and has wheels (I’m jealous). Third, he’s a puck hog. He’s a selfish player who tries to Bobby Orr it up the ice every time, and never, under even the most EXTREME of circumstances passes the puck. Fourth – he’ll wind up for full clappers in between the fucking faceoff dots against our goalie who straight up wears kitten t-shirts. KITTENS. Ok douche-bag we get it. You got a big shot. It doesn’t make up for your tiny dangles. Fifth. Finally. AND MOST FUCKING EGREGIOUS….

HE WEARS A TINTED. FUCKING. VISOR.

What next asshole, all white Eagles (ooooohhhh, subtle Nick burn)? T-blades?

MOVING ON.

The boys and I were beating his team last night 5-4 with about a minute left. Your hero (me) is playing solid D with a gino and an apple, and wanting to close this game out with a W. Their tendy was out of the net.

I had rotated on to #44 who was up on the point when a pass came to him that he fumbled a bit. Seeing my chance I jump up on him and poke the puck off his stick and out of the zone. At this point it’s a race to the puck and a chance to close out the game with an ENG. Summoning all the hate in my heart I beat him to the puck, extend the arm to hold him off while protecting, and finish the play and his hopes of being a winner on this evening. Goal baby. Red Lamp Lit.

Like the pigeon that he is, he tried to chirp at me with a “you’re a real hero tonight, buddy.”

And then I hit him with it.

“Hey Elliott, or should I say Elllllllllliott.  I’d added in all the L’s you took tonight”

So maybe that wasn’t the world’s greatest chirp.

But do you think you can do better? Check out Nick’s article here about battle raps and a potential BLT Chirp Competition. Step up to the plate with your best, and you could be crowned KingChirpy (that’s a working title, subject to change).

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