POINT: If I want to go see a movie for the fourth time on a Tuesday at 6:10, I can.
COUNTERPOINT: I have to argue that Into The Spider-Verse is the greatest film of all time with strangers on the internet.
POINT: If I want to watch college football and slug domestic light beer for 14 hours, I answer to no one.
COUNTERPOINT: The World Health Organization (Known sometimes as English Rock Band The Who,) classifies being single as a disease.
POINT: I can eat whatever I want and nobody judges me.
COUNTERPOINT: My diet consists mostly of breakfast sandwiches and Copenhagen Mint.
POINT: I get to masturbate anytime I want, to anything I want, anywhere I want.
COUNTERPOINT: [THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK].
POINT: My dinner bill is cut in half.
COUNTERPOINT: The crippling loneliness.
POINT: I don’t have to wait until 1 year into the relationship rip farts.
COUNTERPOINT: My house and my car smell like I’m lactose intolerant.
POINT: I have no commitment when going to group functions and can act how I please.
COUNTERPOINT: The manager at Applebees has described me as “persona non grata” and “get the fuck out of here before I call the cops”.
POINT: My dog doesn’t judge me for blacking out on a Tuesday.
COUNTERPOINT: I get blackout drunk on a Tuesday.
POINT: Nobody loves me any less for throwing beer cans/putting holes in my walls during Texas Football games.
COUNTERPOINT: I care too much about what college athletes, age 18-23, do on Saturdays in the fall.
POINT: I get to control my own money.
COUNTERPOINT: I am now the proud owner of a Tinder Gold account and I bought my dog a sweat suit.
POINT: I get to blog.
COUNTERPOINT: I am now a blogger.
POINT: My married/with child friends are jealous of me.
COUNTERPOINT: I run for fun.
POINT: I can read and grow my mind.
COUNTERPOINT: I’ve spent most of my day reading the the Wikipedia page for Apple Newton.
POINT: You’re reading this.
COUNTERPOINT: You’re reading this.
POINT: I get to hang out with my friends whenever I want.
COUNTERPOINT: My friends are busy in their relationships and don’t want me getting drunk and ruining Christmas again even though I already explained that the only reason that happened is that I was taking these new thermogenics (and exceeded the recommended dose) I bought and I got super drunk, super quick and I have no self-control.
IN SUMMATION: Well, it’s hard to say. Both sides make compelling arguments.