POINT: If I want to go see a movie for the fourth time on a Tuesday at 6:10, I can.

COUNTERPOINT: I have to argue that Into The Spider-Verse is the greatest film of all time with strangers on the internet.

 

POINT: If I want to watch college football and slug domestic light beer for 14 hours, I answer to no one.

COUNTERPOINT: The World Health Organization (Known sometimes as English Rock Band The Who,) classifies being single as a disease.

 

POINT: I can eat whatever I want and nobody judges me.

COUNTERPOINT: My diet consists mostly of breakfast sandwiches and Copenhagen Mint.

 

POINT: I get to masturbate anytime I want, to anything I want, anywhere I want.

COUNTERPOINT: [THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK].

 

POINT: My dinner bill is cut in half.

COUNTERPOINT: The crippling loneliness.

 

POINT: I don’t have to wait until 1 year into the relationship rip farts.

COUNTERPOINT: My house and my car smell like I’m lactose intolerant.

 

POINT: I have no commitment when going to group functions and can act how I please.

COUNTERPOINT: The manager at Applebees has described me as “persona non grata” and “get the fuck out of here before I call the cops”.

 

POINT: My dog doesn’t judge me for blacking out on a Tuesday.

COUNTERPOINT: I get blackout drunk on a Tuesday.

 

POINT: Nobody loves me any less for throwing beer cans/putting holes in my walls during Texas Football games.
COUNTERPOINT: I care too much about what college athletes, age 18-23, do on Saturdays in the fall.

 

POINT: I get to control my own money.

COUNTERPOINT: I am now the proud owner of a Tinder Gold account and I bought my dog a sweat suit.

 

POINT: I get to blog.

COUNTERPOINT: I am now a blogger.

 

POINT: My married/with child friends are jealous of me.

COUNTERPOINT: I run for fun.

 

POINT: I can read and grow my mind.

COUNTERPOINT: I’ve spent most of my day reading the the Wikipedia page for Apple Newton.

 

POINT: You’re reading this.

COUNTERPOINT: You’re reading this.

 

POINT:  I get to hang out with my friends whenever I want.

COUNTERPOINT: My friends are busy in their relationships and don’t want me getting drunk and ruining Christmas again even though I already explained that the only reason that happened is that I was taking these new thermogenics (and exceeded the recommended dose) I bought and I got super drunk, super quick and I have no self-control.

 

IN SUMMATION: Well, it’s hard to say. Both sides make compelling arguments.

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