Full Disclosure – I am a Bruins fan. I’m putting that out there so you Dallas fans (Do you exist? Does Dallas care about hockey? I lived in Austin for a year and people had no idea what hockey was. Literally never even heard of it) Don’t try to jump me in the corners thinking I’m head hunting for your team.

Frankly speaking, I hate St. Louis. It’s a garbage city with garbage food and garbage sports teams and you know… Fuck Nelly, too. I don’t want to take a ride with you and smoke an L in the back of the Benz-E. That’s illegal. And driving while under the influence is not cool. Poor form, ‘the Lou.’ Poor form.

Anyways.

What the shit is Esa Lindell doing here?

Not one.

Not two.

BUT THREE, THREE MASSIVE FLOPS LIKE A SALMON TRYING TO GET HOME FOR MATING SEASON

Have you ever seen that viral video thing the silly salmon challenge? Cause the only way this video makes sense is if Bortuzzo is actually yelling “SILLY SALMON” right before he takes a whack, and Lindell being the stand-up guy he is follows through.

Esa Lindell is Finnish. Which I guess makes sense because he “finnish’d” my hopes that Dallas beats St. Louis.

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