The Top 25 Things We’ve Learned on Beer League Talk
Now that the confetti has settled and the crumbs from our birthday cake have been swept up, we are really in awe that it’s already been a year of making Beer League Talk. Through the many weeks of talking hockey, beer and – let’s face it, poop – we feel like we’ve learned a lot. It’s only right that we share this newfound wisdom with our faithful listeners. So here you have it, the top 25 things we’ve learned in a year of Beer League Talk:
1. You don’t really have to edit podcasts.
We’d say it’s because the people want our raw realness but let’s be honest, we’re just lazy. But it seems to work so why mess with a good thing.
2. The best way to become the Greatest Hockey Show In The Wooooorld is to just tell people you are, from the beginning.
This tactic has worked surprisingly well for us. Nick is also pretty sure if he keeps telling people he’s a scientist it’ll eventually be true, but some actual scientist ladies we met in a hot tub in Seattle made it clear that wasn’t the case
3. You can say anything you want because nothing lasts forever on the Internet.
Except fame and fortune, of course. We’re thinking of parlaying this into a run for president and prime minister. Between the Canadians and Americans on the show, we think we could combine as a governing superpower of North America. We’d just follow beer league rules… If you have a beef, scrap it out, spend some time in the box and then let it go when you start your next shift!
4. You’re not a real podcast until you lose an episode.
If you never have technical difficulties we can only assume that means you’re not big enough to be on the podcast gremlins’ radar. Well, we can officially say we’re a real show because we’ve lost an episode and a half! Yes, we’re proud of this, because the alternative is to cry over all the hard work we lost and you’ll never get to hear … sniff sniff.
5. Your goalie hates you.
Our What Grinds My Goalie segment has given a soapbox to the men and women between the pipes, and they have a message for everyone: stop being dumbasses. Apparently no one knows how to properly warm up a goalie, including the professional female players we interviewed! Other peeves include breaking their water bottles, head shots and wearing that stupid yellow jersey to shinny/pickup hockey. For the love of all that is goalie, give your heads a shake.
6. Referees are people too.
Dani keeps saying this but we are still skeptical. If we can just pretend we believe her for half a second, then you can try her advice. Be nice to refs, hand them the puck, laugh at their stupid jokes and you might be on the refs’ good side for a change.
7. Everything is better with ladies.
We have to admit, we’re glad April and Dani are full-time members of the show now. Not to say the boys weren’t killing in from day one. We like to have lots of points of views represented on our show, and our ladies are both good at hockey and funny as hell. They’re such a staple now that you might barely remember the episode buried in the archives where Nick sat alone in his armchair and podcasted all to himself….
8. Gotta have friends in high places.
This podcast wouldn’t be the amazing, pro-quality juggernaut it’s become without the amazing intros made by our buddy and professional radio host Migs. We can’t thank him enough for all the support he gave us in getting this thing off the ground.
9. The world needs the GoBow.
There are so many uses for a camera that is a bow tie. Think of all the formal events you could record! It’s a great accessory for both fashion-conscious hockey players and international spies! Plus, we will totally snag that government spy contract once we’re Prime President Minister of North America. (Note: This entry may not represent the points of view of all members of Beer League Talk. In fact, it may only represent Dani’s point of view.)
10. Tater tots are the food of the gods.
You can’t have a good podcast without tots. Though we learned the hard way that we probably shouldn’t be chewing a mouthful of tots right next to the mics. Ew.
11. Diabetic approved is not the same as diabetic friendly.
Most of us still can’t comprehend Nick’s obsession with Chocodiles but we know they’re his favourite road snack. This is when he’s not strictly adhering to his specialized Taquito Diet. Err, Keto diet? Whatever.
12. Selling your co-host’s blood is actually pretty illegal.
Especially without his consent. Sorry to say we aren’t going to get rich quick with our boner donor plan. Guess we’re going to have to do it the old fashioned way, with pyramid schemes. Errr, I mean selling t-shirts. Have you joined the Stick Butt Army yet? And speaking of Stick Butt…
13. Jersey contests are magical.
We heard from people all over Canada and the US who drew up some pretty amazing designs. We also saw some amazingly awful jerseys: Owl stole the hearts of both Dani and April with its pixelated mess. We even saw the top two finalists become friends over state lines, with a charity game between them in the works!
— Beer League Talk (@BeerLeagueTalk) June 26, 2016
14. Haters gonna hate. We still haven’t figured out what kind of people listen to a podcast just so they can write in and hurl insults our way, but this phenomenon confirmed out suspicions: we are now mega celebrities. So thanks for taking the time to write us! 15. Our fans make the coolest stuff. Did you see the hand-crafted beer bottle opener Jesse from Washington made us!? (Aka the creator of Owl) And thanks to Mike in Philly (from jersey contest-winning team The Rippers), a whole flock of Stick Butt stickers were making the rounds at the Pittsburgh Draft Tournament. We seriously LOVE the stuff you guys make!! Keep doing it, please, and we’ll give you all the shout out love we have.
Guess what just went down in the 4 cups locker room! #stickbutt #Stickbuttnation #beerleague #beerleagues #beerleaguetalk #puck #hockeylife #drafttournament #hockeytourney @drafttournament @mfox_96 A photo posted by Beer League Talk (@beerleaguetalk) on
Before you ask, yes there are tons of people wearing stick butt t-shirts and you too can have you’re very own stick butt t-shirt. Go ahead and click here to buy one!
16. Drunk casts get weird, fast. Combine the hyper atmosphere of a Draft Tournament with a lot of alcohol and a couple microphones, and strange things come up. Some of our guest hosts seem to always steer the conversation to people with missing limbs. (Shout out to our badass fans who play hockey on prosthetics – that shit is mind-blowing!) We’d apologize for the content of the drunk casts, except they are our highest downloaded episodes. So … the people have spoken? 17. Everyone loves poop stories. Guys, we were a little nervous at first to share our bathroom stories with you. But you filthy fucks ate that shit up, metaphorically of course. Your responses have led us to provide a steady stream of backdoor content on the show. So if you ever think to yourself, “ew…” just remember: you asked for it. 18. We should have swiped brews from the beer closet while we had the chance. When your podcast records in a tiny storage closet filled with booze, you don’t realize what you’ve got til it’s gone. We used to sit within arm’s reach of any number of liquors and beers. Now, though we’ve moved to a bigger space, the only thing within arm’s reach is an old washer and dryer, and we can’t get drunk on that…. Ok. We could get drunk while sitting ON that, but that’s not what I meant.
#NHL #lockerroom #beerleague #beer #hockeylife #podcast #puck # A photo posted by Beer League Talk (@beerleaguetalk) on
19. Don’t let your parents listen to your podcast.
We were stoked to find out Nick’s mom Gina was one of our first live video subscribers. She even said she loved us at first … but then all the poop, boob and dick talk made Geenie a little disappointed in all her BLT children. Then we heard Dani’s dad listened to a couple episodes and did not enjoy the profanity. Bottom line, just don’t bother telling parents you’re becoming a podcast celebrity. It’s not gonna go well. Speaking of Dani’s dad …
20. Scoring empty net goals gets your stats wiped.
At least, it does in that weird league in Florida where Dani’s dad plays. Omer’s had his stats cleared a couple times already, cause he refuses to believe that horseshit. We heard about other American leagues with dumb rules. Four periods? Hockey is not football, Americans, get over it.
21. Nick’s dick is better at hockey than he is.
At least, it seems to score more goals than he does. But now that we let him talk about his dick on the air, he doesn’t want to stop. That’s one door we never shoulda opened.
22. CWHL is not a beer league.
This stems way back to before the ladies joined the show. Some of the fellas needed to be educated on the Canadian Women’s Hockey League. But all’s forgiven now that we had some pro ladies from the Calgary Inferno come on the show and tell us about their Clarkson Cup win.
23. The only way to cut players from is to dissolve your whole team and start a new one.
We’ve covered some very serious topics on the show, including how to handle getting rid of those players who just don’t fit in with your team. The BLT crew agreed the easiest thing for everyone is just to fold your team and someone can start a new one under a new name. Invite everyone back but that one guy. Problem solved.
24. Dating Dani is more complicated than we thought.
Apparently just asking people to write in and say they want to date Dani didn’t fly with Dani. For some reason she wants some sort of filter or veto system. We’re starting to think she may be single because she has too many so-called “standards.” Only the future will tell if anyone will ever actually Date Dani. Stay tuned!
25. You always gotta have your fellow podcasters’ backs.
Especially when you’re piling into a cramped “studio” every week, you gotta feel the love from your co-hosts. That’s why we never throw each other under the bus, or pick on each other, and are all-around supportive of everyone on the show. This goes for in the studio and on the ice. But when it comes to Draft Tournaments … #DontPickNick.
We think that about covers it. We’d love to hear if you have learned anything else from the podcast! Shoot us your thoughts on facebook or twitter! We could feature you on an upcoming episode if you do!
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Bonus thing we learned: BEGGING WORKS!
We aren’t gonna lie, we need more money for Dani’s tot addiction (she demands tots at every recording)! Help out the podcast by treating yourself to new gear! Click here to help us out! At the very least shoot us a follow on social media and share our blogs & episodes. These won’t feed Dani but they will make her feel loved!
— Beer League Talk (@BeerLeagueTalk) June 7, 2016