Full disclosure, I’m a lifelong Caps fan. I love me some Tom Wilson. Be honest! You would too if he was on your team (shut your lying mouths you Marchand-loving Bruins fans).

I’ve seen a lot of crap recently (mostly from salty Pens fans) about how Tom Wilson should be banned for life from the NHL and how the arbitrator was out of their mind to reduce the suspension. I absolutely think that “Tommy Nightmare” a.k.a. “Top Line Tommy” needs to change his game, but not for the reasons you might think. He’s too valuable to the Capitals to miss almost 20% of a season. Plus, he is now a marked man that the NHL would love to make an example of. If he gets suspended again, Puppet Master Gary Bettman will make sure he misses half a year or more (seriously, I haven’t seen something that rigged since the last Florida election… too soon?).

 

I’m not a super savvy stats guy, so I’m not gonna waste my time looking up numbers to prove what I already know to be true… Tom Wilson is not a goon. If you think he is, you are wrong.

10. Tommy has hands

Career high 14 goals and 21 assists last year. “Goons” don’t do that.

9. He’s durable as f***

In 4 of his 5 full seasons in the NHL he has played in 82, 82, 82, and 78 games. “Goons” don’t dress for 82 games over 3 seasons, let alone in a single season.

8. Willy has wheels

Dude is 6’ 4” and about 220lbs. He skates deceptively fast. Honestly, he doesn’t even need to hit people anymore. His speed and reputation are enough to cause guys to cough up the biscuit so they don’t get trucked. I can’t say I blame them.

7. He was drafted in the 1st round

You don’t draft “goons” in the 1st round. That would be like drafting a kicker in the 2nd round of the NFL draft. I’m looking at you, Tampa Bay.

 

6. He is a gorgeous looking man

This guy could be a model. Goons are not handsome fellas. Just ask Dwight Schofield (Sorry, Dwight. Loved you as a Cap).

5. He plays on the top line

Before you tell me his stats are inflated because he plays with the likes of Ovechkin and Backstrom, answer this question. Where do you think the space that those two get to operate comes from? It comes from a massive stud of a man named Tom Wilson creating the space, that’s where.

4. He plays on the penalty kill

Last year the Capitals penalty kill finished smack dab in the middle at 15th. Not good, not bad. This year, without Wilson they are hovering around 30th (29th last time I checked). Someone remind me, are “goons” skilled enough to play special teams?

3. He loves animals

I assume this is true. Mostly I just wanted to get a chance to plug a great cause and link to the Capitals Canines Calendar.

 

 

2. He gets paid

When was the last time you saw a “goon” make $6.1 million per year? Before you scream, “the Caps overpaid!!!”, consider this: If GM Brian MacLellan was savvy enough to jettison Brooks Orpik’s $#itty contract by shoving him down Colorado’s throat in the Grubauer deal, why would he be dumb enough to grossly overpay Wilson? Answer: he wouldn’t (and didn’t).

1. He’s “Stanley Cup Champion” Tom Wilson

I just wanted to use this space to remind Penguins fans that the Capitals won the Stanley Cup. Tom Wilson’s name is on it. Because the Capitals names were put on a brand-new band, Tom Wilson’s name will be on there the maximum amount of time under NHL law. Not bad for some who is just a “goon”.

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