If you have ever stepped skate on the frozen 200 x 85 you know that your hockey jersey is the ultimate symbol of your “teamness”. You can be the worst team ever assembled but if your jerseys look good then you think you’ll play good. There have been a ton of great looking jerseys in the NHL. There have also been jerseys so bad that local beer league hockey teams would chirp anyone that wore them during a contest. These the Top 5 worst NHL jerseys.

Top 5 is kind of a lie. I’m a man of the people…. so I’m actually including more than 5…  because I care.

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Honoroable Mentions:

Here are some jerseys that didn’t make the cut. They are still really bad … I mean really bad but not bad enough.

I didn’t want to do a write up for any of these but look at that Islanders jersey. Was anyone poor as a kid? I was. When I was a young dude in elementary, Starter Jackets (looked like this) were all the rage. You just weren’t cool if you didn’t have one. One Christmas I asked Santa for one. I woke up on Christmas and raced to the tree hoping a starter jacket was there. I finally got to a box that just had to be an article of clothing. I ripped it open.. it was a jacket! “OMG” I gleefully yelled as I unfolded a….. off brand starter knock off from Walmart. That’s what these Islander jerseys remind me of. That is all.

5. St Louis Blues (The WTF Music Notes Jersey)

The St. Louis Blues made these jerseys so we can only assume they had plans to don them. We think we know why they didn’t. They gathered the team after a morning skate and showed them these “beauties”. Half the team cried, 4 didn’t understand English so thought it was a joke, Mike Keenan threatened to bag skate their entire head office staff and 1 player demanded a trade. That 1 player… Wayne Gretzky (Linked his hockeyDB page in case you have never heard of him). Ranger fans, you can thank this jersey for getting Wayner to the “Big Apple”.

4. The LA Kings (The Get In My Belly Burger King Jersey)

I understand the need for a business such as the NHL to make a few extra bucks via sponsorship deals…. Lord knows the $150 tickets, $25 arena parking, $10 beers, and $8 mini hot dogs aren’t milking the fans enough. These jersey represent a just blatant marketing ploy. The NHL and the Kings will likely never admit Burger King had a hand in it but pretty sure the LA Kings player were feasting on unlimited free “flame-broiled whoppers from BK where you can have it your way” (we also aren’t above plugging businesses for cash BK) in the seasons they wore these. Big thumbs up for the marketing geniuses at BK for these jersey. Bigger thumbs down to whomever actually designed them. Also a big fuck you to whomever let them be worn on the ice. We present to you the Get In My Belly Burger King Jerseys at #4. A jersey so bad even “The Great One” couldn’t make these good.

Side Note: Gretzky is mentioned in the first two jerseys here. Maybe Gretzky is actually behind all the ugly jerseys… if that’s the case Fuck You Wayne. This theory would explain why the Oilers have those orange puke inducing jerseys now.

3. Calgary Flames ( The Black Flaming Snot Horse Head…why Jerseys)

This one hurts personally. It’s no secret that I’m a Calgary Flames fan. There’s nothing more breathtaking to me than seeing a whole crowd wearing blazing fire engine red jerseys adorned with the unmistakeable “flaming C” logo on the front. During playoffs ( which doesn’t happen often here anymore), sitting in the oldest building in the NHL ( a building that needs to be replaced but the city of Calgary is still so mad over these jerseys that it won’t commit to helping the Flames build a new arena because of it) this sight would literally bring tears to my eyes. Why the fuck would they try to replace that with a black jersey with one of the strangest logos of all time? It’s makes abso-fucking-lutley ZERO sense.

What is this even a logo of? How does it relate to the team? I mean if you’re going to choose to use a random animal as a logo and then shoot random flames out of it’s orifices there has to be a way more bad ass animal to use.

Like a fucking grizzly bear or a bad ass mother fucking shark? See I made this bad ass flaming shark logo in 2 secs. It’s not hard Calgary Flames.

Anyway here’s what the stupid Flames management decided to use instead of Bad Ass Flames Shark

 

2. Dallas Stars ( The We Know What This Is Jerseys)

One of the worst jerseys of all time but for some reason I kind of like it. I’m drawn to it. It calls to me. It gives me that feeling deep down inside. Right?

#1 Worst NHL Jersey of All Time 

No Explanation Needed

 

Thanks for reading. Are there any jerseys you find so repulsive that you just need to tell us about them? Leave a comment below and let’s laugh at stupid jerseys together. Hit me up on twitter and chirp me if you think I’m out of my mind with these jersey choices.

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