Here at Beer League Talk we like two things a lot: hockey and beer. Which got us thinking – what if NHL teams were actually beers? This is what we came up with:
Edmonton Oilers – Lucky Lager
The Edmonton Oilers are trash. Some might say they are the worst team there is, given their losing culture since 2005. But you can’t doubt that they’re lucky. Lucky enough to win four (yes FOUR) draft lotteries in a span of six years. Yikes. Shouldn’t they have been hit by lightning by now?
Chicago Blackhawks – Budweiser
Anyone else sick of seeing Budweiser everywhere? “America’s Beer”!
Sound like an NHL team you may know? How about the one that is in every NBC Wednesday Night Rivalry game (can a team really be rivals with every other team in the league), seemingly gets 2 outdoor games a year, and is still talked up like one of the best in the league when they haven’t won a playoff series in three years, and won’t be winning one this year. These guys are beginning to taste like a prohibition beer.
Calgary Flames – O’doul’s
Because we’re pretty sure Johnny Gaudreau can’t legally drink alcohol yet.
Arizona Coyotes – Coors Light
How is this even a real beer? They seriously still make this stuff?
This watered down excuse for beer reminds us of a team called the
Phoenix Arizona Coyotes, who are so light on talent they are basically an NHL Lite team. These guys should be sent to the minors stat, or better yet, just folded for good.
*Side note: If a teammate ever brings Coors Light for beer duty, kick them off right then and there. No excuses.
Toronto Maple Leafs – Molson Canadian
When you think you’re the best thing in Canada but no one even likes you. But hey, remember when Molson Canadian won Beer of the Year in the 1960’s!? Yeah, neither do we.
Vancouver Canucks – Pilsner
Have you EVER seen someone drink a Pilsner not out of a bottle or can? No cup!
Boston Bruins – Guinness
Boston is pretty much the Dublin of the USA. And just like Guinness, you either love em or hate em.
And like Guinness fans, Bruins faithful aren’t going to let you hear the end of how ‘great their team is’. Just shut the fuck up already.
So what do you think? Are there any teams we missed? What beer would your favourite team be?