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I’m just going to throw this right out there.

I could stop a slapshot from a pro hockey player.

Here’s the kicker. If we’re not counting street hockey when I was like, 8, I’ve never played goalie before. I’ve never put on the pads, never tapped the post like a neurotic stripper, never gotten a snow job from some Euro named Filip.

But I could stop a pro slapshot.

Would I stop every pro slapshot? Absolutely not. But if you put me in net, and put you’ve average pro player between the top of the circles and the blue line, I would stop at least 7 of 10 shots and I would make it look good. We’re talking full Patrick Roy glove flare.

What goalies do isn’t that hard if you think about it. You stand there, position yourself accordingly, and let the puck hit you. I’m sure it gets a bit more complicated when you involve screens, and deflections, and people TRYING to make you miss the puck. But on principal, it’s an easy gig. And it’s one that I, a 35 year old sort of athletic guy with 32 years of playing hockey, could do.

Here’s the rub.

I can run my mouth – but it’s going to be hard to back it up.

So I’m gonna throw this out there. Let’s make this a charity thing. See if we can’t get some pro players on board.

I play hockey for a team called the Capital Beltway Warriors. From our team website:

We are a Virginia based nonprofit that provides opportunities for Veterans and Disabled Veterans in the National Capital Region (Northern VA, Southern MD, and Washington D.C.) to learn and play the sport of ice hockey.

That’s the sanitized version.

The real version is that we are a group of men and women who in some way or another have been broken as a result of our service. Hockey is our way of healing, of getting better, of putting the pieces back together. Whether through the teamwork, the camaraderie, the physical exertion, hockey has a way of returning us to who we were before we became who we are. That’s important. Really fucking important.

The team takes players of all (or no) skill levels. Some of these guys have never seen an ice rink before. The donations our team receives funds ice time, funds equipment, funds the tournaments we play in around the country, it funds our existence.

If I can get someone who’s willing to fire some pucks on me – maybe we can get people to donate. Something like $5 for every save I make over 10 shots. If I save it? My team wins. If I miss it? You all get to make fun of me and chirp me for being terrible. Win win, right?

Hell, maybe I’ll even let a pro goalie fire shots at me, and then I can really raise some money for the boys.