5 Reasons I Will Never Write a "List" Type Blog

  1. It’s lazy. It’s “cherry-picking when winning 10-2 and not back checking when losing 2-1″ lazy. It’s lazy like the guy who always “forgets” it was his turn to buy beer for the post game. Fuck that guy (that guy is always named Steve). It’s a tired trope and frankly I’m better than that.
  2. You know the author just came up with an arbitrary number and then tried to think up some bullshit to meet that number. It’s always integers of 5 too. Like, “10 things you should always keep in your hockey bag.” What, you couldn’t think of 11 asshole? That shit is lazy. See point 1.
  3. Hockey players aren’t great at counting. It’s science. Or biology. Biology is a science too right? Anyways. How many times have you seen a “too many men on the ice” penalty? LITERALLY YOU HAVE TO ONLY BE ABLE TO COUNT TO 5 TO NOT FUCK THIS ONE UP. And yet even at the pro level you routinely see Pierre LePuck not know there’s already five guys on the ice so he hops the boards causing coach to have to send the PK unit out there. You really think I’m going to run the risk of confusing my loyal readers? Never. I respect you guys way too much for that.
  4. I really love Disney World. One time I got suckered into reading a blog titled “15 Best Bathrooms in Walt Disney World” and I ended up wanting to punch the person who wrote it in the fucking throat. It was SO STUPID that they didn’t have the Rapunzel area bathrooms as #1. Any list is instinctively going to make you argumentative because the order they made the list is STUPID and the person writing the list is an abject MORON.

A. Best Disney Bathrooms Ranked

Rapunzel area ones
Every other one. They’re bathrooms, who gives a shit.